Rebellion

O Captain My Captain

“You’re only given one little spark of madness. You musn’t lose it.”
-Robin Williams

So true My Captain. Can I call you that? I hope you don’t mind. I never knew you, but I always felt like I did.
I felt connected to you. Perhaps it was your small stature. I happen to be wee myself. Maybe it was your contagious laughter, your great comedic timing, your humble views on life and love. Whatever it was that connected us in this vast Universe-you enriched my life. Thank-you for that.
Your heart was big My Captain. I felt that-and I’m not the only one. It seems whoever knew you loved you.
A special soul you were.
As John Keating in Dead Poets Society you opened my eyes to the possibility of looking at life from a different perspective. Stand on your desk and shout out your mantra to the world. Booya Keating. That’s the way to do it. Life’s too short for bullshit.
You encouraged me to “carpe diem”, a motto I have leaned on throughout my adult life.
Your performance as Parry in The Fisher King swept me away to another world and turned me into a two hour human waterfall. What a movie.
Armand in The Birdcage- another classic. Showcasing LGBTQ diversity before it was cool to do it, just your style, brave and true.
One Hour Photo. You were lonely. Did you feel a similar pain? I’m sorry if you did. No one should ever feel truly alone.
Many of the characters you played over the years seemed to echo your soul. I grew up watching you, and went to see your stand-up show in person. What a night that was. Just try and tell those jokes again the next day. As if. Pure comedic genius. One of a kind. No one did it like you did. No one ever will.
Intelligent, compassionate, sharp, strong, generous, and kind. I’m not the only one who thinks so. I’m just one of millions. What a legacy.
I will miss your gift of seamless improv, your humble generosity, your ridiculous repertoire of crazy voices, your versatile talent as a top notch performer, your honest and giving nature, and most of all your unique capability to move this world with your exhuberant madness.
My Captain, I wish you the eternal peace you couldn’t find in life.
Wherever you may be, may your magical spark forever ring free.

Believe

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams

~Eleanor Roosevelt~

~Light from Luzia~

http://luzialight.wordpress.com– thanks for the wise post

#6 is of particular importance for me these days…

For anyone reading who feels like they are drowning in a sea of pure energetic chaos at the moment,

have faith in something far greater than yourself,

never give up hope.

Just when you want to pack it in and give up,

stand strong,

stronger than you were before,

and just keep trekking…

Never give up on your dreams.

Life is a tough ride but #12 will see you through.

Finding Truth

I was definitely a brat in elementary school. I was such an instigator.

Laughter was my cure for the private school blues.

I was the goofball distracting anyone who would pay attention to my random Jim Carrey-inspired comedy routines. Of course I had no idea who Jim Carrey was at that point in my life, but in similar fashion I mimicked facial expressions and zoned in on those little things society found important and poked huge holes in them. I’m no Jim Carrey but I sure do like his style. Always have. He’s genuine, humble, and his antics make me laugh, all admirable qualities. Let’s do dins Jim. I could use a good laugh these days. His sister actually lived a few blocks from where I do now a couple of years ago, but rumour had it she moved and so I fear my chances of running into Ace at Target are slim, but never say never…

Like Jim, I realized at a very early age that I could help other people feel good. I loved to make people laugh.  I’ve toned it down over the years, because being the centre of attention was never my focus, it was really the laughter that I craved.  I had this male alter-ego, a Tasmanian devil character, a whirling dirvish with a raspy voice, and I’d line up my friends in a row and put on a show for them. Kids can be so weird. So many people seem to lose that freedom as their life progresses. Never let your imagination wander too far away. It’s a precious commodity. Keep it safe.

I was a hyper kid, although you’d never guess that now.

I’ve mellowed with age.

I was contradicting the norm, observing, and searching for the truth even at a very young age.  Retrospectively, a lot makes sense now. I guess that’s what life does. At its core it’s a grand teacher, and if we are swift enough, we can often catch a little whiff of truth.

One teacher in particular had an extreme distaste for my antics.  Truth was, her grade 6 English classes were painfully boring.  She was Scottish and no-nonsense. Stiff pleated eighties clothing and an equally stiff upper lip to match.  She didn’t appreciate my tomfoolery. We butted heads on a daily basis, usually ending up with me banished to the hallway for half the class. What kind of punishment was that supposed to be exactly, wandering around aimlessly in a hallway?! I guess one did feel like a major tool standing there trying desperately to look busy while doing absolutely nothing, as numerous teachers passed by with that, “what have you done now?” look on their face.  Point made: it was humiliating. Whatever the strategy behind the ever-so-popular hall punishment movement of the time, it clearly never had much effect, I was up to my old tricks again within minutes of doing my hard time in the hall. I hated established conformity. I didn’t want to fit in there. I was a free spirit.

Solution: rebel against the authority. So I did, and so I always will.

I don’t like being silenced by authority

Truth is I didn’t find my way in the education system until much later on in life, first in College and then at University. College as an adult was actually an enjoyable experience, making some fun buddies along the way. I had a great group of friends who liked to laugh right along with me. It was such a nice relief compared to my prior educational experiences. University was more solitary but an equally comfortable space where I soaked in knowledge, worked hard to make the Dean’s List, and I was actually sad when the experience came to an end.  In complete opposition to my prior childhood experiences in private school, I came  to understand that I did in fact appreciate education.  Never thought I’d hear myself saying that. Turns out I’m a knowledge seeker, and at my happiest when I’m absorbing wisdom and expanding my horizon. The best part about wisdom is that it can come from the strangest of places.

Funny how you can come to certain conclusions as your life unfolds. I always thought I hated that teacher for stifling my imagination. She had a big grudge where I was concerned, and once that happened I was doomed. The hallway and I were good buddies. We knew each other intimately. After so many hall visits the principal and I also became regular pals. Well, a pal who gave me crap for expressing my individual creativity and sent me back to my class. Not much of a friend there. Can’t say I’m broken inside over that loss.

All these years later I recently stumbled on a familiar poem. For the second time in my life. Everything is connected. Quantum connectivity.

The latin translation of the poem is “ Desired Things”, written in 1927 by American writer Max Ehrmann.  That Scottish teacher with a grudge had forced us to memorize it in grade 6. It was difficult and long. Not something that screamed fun. We were too young to understand its importance then. I get it now.

Reading it today I suddenly saw that Scottish curmudgeon in a completely different light. She didn’t really have a grudge. She was doing the best she could at that time in her life, and just wanted me to listen, which didn’t include distracting everyone else from what they should be doing at the time. She was trying to impart some wisdom by getting us to memorize that long and difficult prose. I didn’t see it then but I do now. She was just a soul navigating her path, trying to pass along a valuable message. At the end of the day, we’re all in the same boat. Trying to make a difference, trying be heard, and trying to do the best we can to keep our heads above water.

Never stop swimming. Never give up.

Danke Schoen

 It’s those fleeting moments that light the fire of our lives.

Thanks for watching the glow…